Willpower

So far my willpower and determination to succeed at quitting smoking has been enough to get me through, today though feels a bit different. I find I really want a cigarette and I think it's a comfort thing to be honest. I sold our young horse this morning and found it quite upsetting - so I think that's the reason behind today's craving.

David is also still off the cigarettes but mainly because I am, I think if I'd had a cigarette he'd have been back on them like a shot. I often wonder if I just had one cigarette would it put me off more or encourage me to start smoking again? The latter probably and then it would be harder to stop again.

Selling the horse today was something I've been putting off for ages but something that needed to be done. Trying to look after all of the animals here, plus kids and hubby and also sort out the garden etc is quite time consuming and in reality I just didn't have enough time to keep 3 horses and spend quality time with them individually. The young horse has gone off with the benefit of having an extra year to grow and mature compared to other bulgarian horses - they are usually broken in at a year old and I personally don't think they're mature enough or strong enough at that age.

Having one less horse to look after also means one less mouth to feed over winter, which is not cheap. Although the saving we make not feeding a horse will probably be swallowed up by the fact that our pig is hopefully due to give birth mid january, so we'll have to feed piglets and a lactating sow.

I'll feel better over the next day or so about selling the horse. It's one thing I've never been any good at and I cried for days after parting with our horses in the UK even though I knew I was doing the right thing. Hopefully the want for a cigarette will drop off again too and I'll get back to feeling more positive about now being an ex-smoker.